“I Broke Down Completely:” Ilona Maher Says Panic Attack Nearly Forced Her to Quit ‘Dancing With the Stars’

"DWTS” season 33 finalist Ilona Maher opened up about her extreme anxiety while performing on the show. The Olympic bronze medalist shared a video on Instagram that depicts her fanning herself and looking anxious just moments before the music kicks in.

“Fun fact: I was having a panic attack because they kept telling me to dance in front of a room full of people,” Maher wrote over the post. Her dance partner, pro Alan Bersten commented, “Ah I remember this day!!!” to which Maher replied, “I was unwell.” 

The rugby player captioned the video clip, “Thankfully I got over that.” Like the true professional she is, Maher did in fact push through her anxiety to make it all the way to second place on the show.

What Maher Took Away From Her Experience

Although Maher came in second to “The Bachelor” star Joey Graziadei and pro Jenna Johnson, she continued her dance journey on the “DWTS” tour. And although she clearly excelled, Maher found that dancing wasn’t really her thing. 

“I find joy on the rugby pitch, whereas Alan finds it dancing and being graceful in the ballroom,” she shared with People. Maher added, “… but it’s also good to try out things to see what you like to test your body.” 

Maher’s time on the show and appearing on the tour taught her something about how she really feels about dancing. “… I’ve learned that dance is very hard and that it maybe is not what brings me so much joy, but I love watching it,” the athlete admitted. 

She also expressed how much she loved watching the others perform, and mused, “I think it’s just so interesting how we all find joy in different things.”

Maher’s ‘Retirement’ From Dance

In a video posted on her Instagram page in April, Maher jokingly announced her “retirement” from dance. “After careful consideration, I have decided to retire from dance,” she deadpans in the clip.

“You know, if I never have to learn another step again, I think I’ll be happy. I think I will,” she continued. “I don’t know what the tabloids will say tomorrow, but this is my decision …” 

Maher kept a straight face as she said her decision was a difficult one, “because I was kind of up there with the best in the world, I would say at this point …”

She concluded by thanking everyone for supporting her decision, and captioned the post, “The dance world will miss me for sure.”