Porsha Williams is still trying to make sense of who Simon Guobadia really was.
As the dust settles on her contentious divorce from the 61-year-old Nigerian entrepreneur, the Real Housewives of Atlanta star opens up about their relationship, reflecting on what she thought she had — and what she’s come to realize she didn’t.
"I did love him," Williams, 44, says in PEOPLE's Waiting to Exhale-inspired digital cover story. "But he only gave me part of him to love. There was another part of him that he didn’t let me in on. So I don’t know that person. And that person took over in the end."
The end, notes Williams, came in the final three months of their marriage when she began to realize Simon wasn't being honest with her about the "complex" issues with his legal status. "That's when I knew, 'This is probably headed down a dark road,' " she says.
Williams and Guobadia had a whirlwind romance, announcing their engagement in March 2021 just one month after going Instagram official with their relationship. They married in November 2022 with two lavish weddings.
But while Porsha had once felt entirely protected by Simon, she soon found herself operating from a place of caution, retreating emotionally as red flags began to wave.
"Everything I do is above board," she says. "When it comes to business, life... I have attorneys who make sure that I am in right standing with United States law. So I wouldn't want to be involved in anything that would put me in a position not to follow our law. And I felt I was put in an uncomfortable situation, legally — in combination with dishonesty and deceit — where I needed to file for divorce in order to gain immediate protection."
(Guobadia tells PEOPLE they had “no issues” as a couple, and Williams is “citing issues that happened in my past. I have spent the better part of 35 years of my life making up for it,” he adds.)
Williams — who shares daughter Pilar Jhena "PJ" McKinley with ex-fiancé Dennis McKinley — wound up filing for divorce from Guobadia in February 2024.
A year later, while traveling back to the United States for one of their divorce hearings, Guobadia was taken into custody by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). He's since been deported back to Nigeria due to a history of immigration violations, including bank and credit card fraud.
As for their divorce, which was finalized on June 11, the judge ruled in Williams favor to uphold their prenup and grant her spousal support, among other things.
Guobadia tells PEOPLE he plans to appeal — noting, "this matter is far from over." He's also been vocal about his anger towards Williams, claiming to Page Six that he regrets their marriage.
That energy is not surprising to Williams. In her PEOPLE cover story interview, the reality star gets emotional about their legal back and forth, which stretched on for months. (There's still a pending defamation suit he filed against Williams.)
"I really don't wish divorce on anybody," she says. "It's horrible, to allow your brain and your heart to connect with someone and then have to battle them like this? It's like, the worst nightmare you have ever, ever experienced because you don't recognize who you're fighting. Like, Simon right now? I don't know who that is."
"It makes you feel like everything was a lie," Williams says. "I mean, for you to hate me this much? Everything had to be a lie. Because I don't have that kind of hate towards you in my heart. But then again, I'm the one walking away, not him. So I don't know..."
Even now, she finds herself mourning the loss of what they had.
"We had a future together," she shares. "I mean, I truly envisioned my life with this person, and Simon was the same way."
"Sure, I can still have a beautiful home. Sure, I can have money in the bank. Sure, I can still travel. But it's hard to imagine doing them when the person beside you was not there," Williams says, through tears.
Erik Umphery
Despite the heartbreak, Williams says she’s proud of how far she’s come and grateful she never lost herself in the heartbreak. "I just thank God I have survived and still myself because sometimes, Lord, when you leave someone who is such a big part of your life? You do not feel like yourself for a long time," Williams shares.
And even though she’s still healing, Williams says she harbors no ill will. "At the end of it all, I care about him," she says. "I don't want to bash him, no matter what. I wish him well. And I’m proud of myself for getting to that point."
For more on Porsha Williams, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.
