Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra have remained vocal about their personal struggles with adoption since placing their daughter Carly with her adoptive parents Brandon and Teresa Davis in 2009. In a new interview with USA Today, the Teen Mom stars spoke about their decision to share their adoption experience on 16 and Pregnant, as well as the challenges they continue to face as birth parents.
“No one really saw that happen before in real time,” Tyler said of his and Cate’s birth parent experience being documented on TV in 2009. “And then when we got chosen to be on ‘Teen Mom,’ and now following the aftermath of an adoption, we never got to see that ever on [reality] TV or in real time either.”
As fans of ‘Teen Mom’ know, Cate and Tyler’s relationship with Carly’s parents has continued to sour over the years, with the ‘Teen Mom’ stars often venting about the situation on both MTV and social media, much to the dismay of Brandon and Teresa, who have asked the reality TV couple to not post about them or Carly online.
Tyler and Cate’s rants often garner comments criticizing them for not respecting Carly and her parents’ wishes; however, Tyler claimed in September that he and Cate are forced to express their feelings in a public manner in order for Carly to be able to see that they “always tried” to keep communication open between them and her.
While the couple– who are parents to young daughters Nova, Vaeda and Rya– were initially told they would have an “open adoption” with Carly, they revealed earlier this year they that Carly’s parents had cut off communication with them and that the yearly visits between their two families had ceased. Despite the pushback, Cate and Tyler are doubling down on their decision to share their adoption struggles with their millions of social media followers.
“ … all we can do is really just share our story and continue to share the facts regarding adoption,” Tyler said this week. “ … at the end of the day, adoption equal trauma.
“It’s trauma for the adoptee, it’s trauma for the adoptive parents and it’s trauma for the birth parents,” he added.
Cate and Tyler said they have not pursued legal action to contact Carly, partly because they fear that doing so may take a toll on Carly, but also because they realize that Brandon and Teresa are ultimately the ones who are responsible for making decisions when it comes to Carly.
“Not being able to be involved, it’s that power dynamic, which is so hard, because we can say how we feel, and we can say our wishes and wants, and we can put ourselves in their shoes constantly, but at the end of the day, they hold on to all the control,” Cate said.
Meanwhile, when asked on social media in September if Brandon and Teresa had taken any legal action to silence him and Cate from (continuously) blasting them online, Tyler said they hadn’t, but he “would welcome that challenge” if Carly’s parents sought it out.
While it doesn’t appear that Cate and Tyler plan to take any legal action themselves to regain contact with Carly, they both believe that potential birth parents should listen to the adoption experiences of others in order to know what they’re getting into before deciding to place their child for adoption.
“Be curious about stuff that may challenge your way of thinking about it,” Tyler said. “No matter what, learning about adoptee trauma is what’s going to better inform birth parents on how to move forward and what’s better going to inform adoptive parents.”
Cate added that, while she doesn’t regret the choice she made as a teenager, she wishes she would have had a better understanding of the decision she was making.
“I just wish I was more educated as a young child,” she said. “And I mean, let’s face it, we were children, but I do wish that I was more educated on it all, because I probably would have made different decisions.”
Cate said this week that she hopes Carly will one day watch her adoption story in order to see it all from her and Tyler’s perspective.
“I love her so much that I knew that she could not stay with me and I wanted her to have better,” she said.
On Wednesday, Tyler posted screenshots to his Instagram Story of messages he’d received from adoptees commending him (and Cate) for opening up about their adoption story with USA Today. Tyler told followers that for every “negative/ignorant comment, there are at least 100 messages” from people who agree with what he and Cate have to say about adoption.
“ … If your adoption experience has been a good & healthy one, that’s amazing!” Tyler continued. “But that doesn’t negate any of the stories/feelings of adoptees who didn’t share that same experience! & if you have no experience or relationship to adoption, then your comment/opinion really holds no value here … .”
In a follow-up Instagram Story, Tyler shared more screenshots of the positive feedback he’s received on social media, adding that, “adoptees deserve a voice over EVERYONE else!”
“Their experiences, feelings & opinions regarding adoption, should ALWAYS remain the PRIORITY, because they are the ones MOST affected by it,” he wrote.
